such a BORING day. yawn. can just sleep typing dis. i mean me. yea. did basically nothing but study.. and sleep today. hee. since im so bored and basically have nothing to say.. but dun wanna go back to study for e time being.. im gonna blabber here. yea. u've been warned. soo.. where was i? oh yea. studying bio for e time being. i just finish studying chapter 8.. studied a little of chapter 10? but still dun really understand e context. hee. waa. den tmr still have physic test. i need a miracle. anyway. sigh. saw my friend online just now. and i feel annoyed. her nick its like. "useless is my middle name" i seriously dun understand her.. i mean.. we told her to think more positive of herself and everything.. den its like.. she dun even wan to give herself a chance.. she thinks that she's a failure in wad she do. u noe wad im feeling for her? im in despair. i want to shake her badly and tell her to wake up and stop dis blardy nonsense. she gave us "e face" last friday. although im annoyed.. i dun wanna start another useless fight so i act happy, and stupid, and lame. nowadays. i dread going to cca. cause u r always with my friend. i noe. dis is a democratic country. but seeing e way u two always act ar. i feel like i lost a close friend. den when she waited for me to finish my a. math corrections, when u had wanted to go to bubble tea shop and eat.. u left suddenly without saying good bye. are u angry that things are not going in ur way? or am i just being as paranoid as u think i am. i want to say all of this long time ago. its like, wilting a part of me inside.. that's y i rarely act as crazy as i used to nowadays. mostly, i just talk to my juniors, and making myself as invinsible as possible. i envy wei qian. she has e "i dun care. i make my own choice" attitude. sometimes.. i wish i could be like her.
i suddenly feel so sad all e time. like. i noe its no hope. am i pathetic or wad? yes i am. hey im answering my own question. kk, gonna slap myself mentally. esp wad est said yesterday.. made me think all e more hopeless. i mean i shudnt take dis so seriously. but yea. i have no idea wad im thinking. i am too coward to say, too scared to noe, and i dun wanna noe. have faith and hope in urself dey say. but i just cant see it.sigh. guess im going back to study now.
im worried of everything. dreading of tmr. scared and sad of wad my life is turning to.